Tomorrow Never Comes
Characters
george
ira
woman (who bustles by)¶
A street corner. george and ira lazily saunter towards the corner from opposite directions.
george
(coming to a stop at the corner) Ira! Fancy bumping into you.
Ira
(stopping too, and smiling) George! Yes, I haven’t seen you since—when was it?
george
(cheerfully) Yesterday!
ira
Yesterday! That’s right. And, you know, today’s nearly over—so we might not have bumped into each other again until tomorrow!
(A woman bustles past, almost bumping into george.)
george
I wonder, where is that lady off to? And in such a hurry!
ira
I don’t know. But she’s rushing there like there’s no tomorrow. (Pauses thoughtfully) Or if there is a tomorrow, there isn’t a day after that.
george
Ah, there’s always tomorrow. What’s the rush?
ira
Hmm. (Thinking) You know, it’s funny you should say that.
george
Say what?
ira
Well, I just heard a man on the next block say, ‘Tomorrow never comes.’
george
(surprised) What?
ira
He said, ‘Tomorrow never comes.’ He just came out with it. Totally unexpected.
george
What a strange man.
ira
Well … I was thinking about it, and maybe it doesn’t come: you know, like cats when you call them.
george
Cats?
ira
Yes, cats. Cats don’t always come when you call them—unless, of course, there’s food involved. You have to go to them.
george
So … tomorrow never comes—you have to go to it. Is that what you’re saying?
ira
I guess so … But anyway, when you get to tomorrow, it’s gone.
george
Gone? Where does it go?
ira
I don’t know. It just kind of becomes ‘today’. Then, before you know it, ‘yesterday’. Every time. Without fail. Why, last Wednesday, tomorrow was Thursday—then, before you knew it, it was ‘today’—and now Thursday’s yesterday.
george
Yeah, but wait a second. If we’re talking about tomorrow, tomorrow’s Saturday.
ira
Yes, it is. But tomorrow, Saturday will be ‘today’—and not only that, tomorrow, ‘tomorrow’ will be Sunday. It changes! You see?
george
Um … kind of …
ira
Well, anyway, I mustn’t dawdle—I’ve got things to do, George. (Putting on a bit of a voice) One shouldn’t leave till tomorrow what one can do today.
george
Who said that?
ira
(looking around) I did.
george
I mean, it sounds like a quote. Did you hear it somewhere?
ira
That man on the next block, actually. He just came out with it. Right out of the blue.
george
Oh … What a strange man. So, what have you got to do today, then?
ira
Well, you know that man on the next block?
george
No. But I’ve heard a lot about him.
ira
I promised I’d feed his cat today.
george
Eh? You promised you’d feed his cat?
ira
Yes. I promised I’d feed his cat, Tomorrow.
george
But you just said you promised to feed it today.
ira
Yes, that’s right. The cat’s name is Tomorrow.
george
Tomorrow? Why’d he call it that?
ira
Well, he said when he calls it, it never comes.
george
Oh. (Puzzled silence.) Okay … well, I’ll be on my way then. Maybe I’ll see you … er … tomorrow.
ira
I hope so. And in the meantime I better go and see Tomorrow today. She must be starving.
(george and ira leave the street corner, going their separate ways.)