Tomorrow Never Comes

play by Tohby Riddle , illustrated by Craig Phillips

Characters

George Ira Woman (who bustles by)

A street corner. George and Ira lazily saunter towards the corner from opposite directions.

George

(coming to a stop at the corner) Ira! Fancy bumping into you.

Ira

(stopping too, and smiling) George! Yes, I haven’t seen you since—when was it?

George

(cheerfully) Yesterday!

Ira

Yesterday! That’s right. And, you know, today’s nearly over—so we might not have bumped into each other again until tomorrow!

(A woman bustles past, almost bumping into george.)

George

I wonder, where is that lady off to? And in such a hurry!

Ira

I don’t know. But she’s rushing there like there’s no tomorrow. (Pauses thoughtfully) Or if there is a tomorrow, there isn’t a day after that.

George

Ah, there’s always tomorrow. What’s the rush?

Ira

Hmm. (Thinking) You know, it’s funny you should say that.

George

Say what?

Ira

Well, I just heard a man on the next block say, ‘Tomorrow never comes.’

George

(surprised) What?

Ira

He said, ‘Tomorrow never comes.’ He just came out with it. Totally unexpected.

George

What a strange man.

Ira

Well … I was thinking about it, and maybe it doesn’t come: you know, like cats when you call them.

George

Cats?

Ira

Yes, cats. Cats don’t always come when you call them—unless, of course, there’s food involved. You have to go to them.

George

So … tomorrow never comes—you have to go to it. Is that what you’re saying?

Ira

I don’t know. It just kind of becomes ‘today’. Then, before you know it, ‘yesterday’. Every time. Without fail. Why, last Wednesday, tomorrow was Thursday—then, before you knew it, it was ‘today’—and now Thursday’s yesterday.

George

Yeah, but wait a second. If we’re talking about tomorrow, tomorrow’s Saturday.

Ira

Yes, it is. But tomorrow, Saturday will be ‘today’—and not only that, tomorrow, ‘tomorrow’ will be Sunday. It changes! You see?

George

Um … kind of …

Ira

Well, anyway, I mustn’t dawdle—I’ve got things to do, George. (Putting on a bit of a voice) One shouldn’t leave till tomorrow what one can do today.

George

Who said that?

Ira

(looking around) I did.

George

I mean, it sounds like a quote. Did you hear it somewhere?

Ira

That man on the next block, actually. He just came out with it. Right out of the blue.

George

Oh … What a strange man. So, what have you got to do today, then?

Ira

Well, you know that man on the next block?

George

No. But I’ve heard a lot about him.

Ira

I promised I’d feed his cat today.

George

Eh? You promised you’d feed his cat?

Ira

Yes. I promised I’d feed his cat, Tomorrow.

George

Tomorrow? Why’d he call it that?

Ira

Well, he said when he calls it, it never comes.

George

Oh. (Puzzled silence.) Okay … well, I’ll be on my way then. Maybe I’ll see you … er … tomorrow.

Ira

I hope so. And in the meantime I better go and see Tomorrow today. She must be starving.

(George and Ira leave the street corner, going their separate ways.)

THE END